An Ode to my Least Favorite Word

Here's to never again using the word "should".

“Should I sign up for this course”?

“Should I wear this dress”?

“What should I say”?

“Oh, I shouldn’t do that, right”?


Apologies for the internet outburst, but sometimes a thing needs to be said. This is not the first not last time I will rage against this word but it just lights me up, y’all.

We have all been so conditioned to distrust ourselves. Taught from an early age that ‘if we don’t behave in a ______ way, we lose love’. And so, we begin to collect the “shoulds”. All the rules, and restrictions. All the embellishments to the mask we put on and take off every day. Some of us not even having the luxury of knowing we’re wearing a mask.

The “shoulds” are not your friend, and quite frankly you SHOULD tell them to fuck right off. That’s the only thing you “should” do.

“But I’m not asking because I’m disempowered Jessica, I just need a second opinion or some encouragement or advice”. Alright then:

“How does this course sound to you”?

“What do you think of this dress”?

“Can you give me some advice on how to communicate”?

“I’m having some doubts on what I should do, any advice”?

Your language does matter. Stop disempowering yourself at every stop and turn. And for the love of goddess, stop putting the burden of your decision-making on someone else. “Should” is a way to keep ourselves in victim mode with a back pocket person or thing to blame instead. Nuh-uh boo, this life if yours.

O W N. I T.

I don’t even “should'' my clients people, and they pay me. But they don’t pay me to tell them what they should do (even though when we first start off, many of them want me to). They pay me to lead them to what they want to do. They pay to remind them of their own power to make a choice. Even if it's not the choice I would make myself. I offer suggestions and invitations, I most definitely assign homework...but I do not “should”. And the moment that brings me endless joy is when my clients begin to self-correct “Jess, what do you think I should, no...I want to do ____, can you offer any insights?” MMMM it is just *chef’s kiss*.

So let’s all collectively agree to retire the word “should”. “Should’ had its time and we are so over that. “Should” taught us that there is only one way to express femininity, and that there are rules as to who can wear what. “Should” taught us that emotions are only permissible based on the genitalia of your pants, and that there is only one path to success. “Should'' taught us that there are things within us that are not worthy of loving and that must be hidden at all costs.

Fuck “should”